Even an amicable divorce can be a lonely and troubling event. Worse still, it can be traumatic for your children. The process of divorcing may be well worth it a few years down the road, but the next several months may be horrible. Of course, if your safety is at risk, divorce is absolutely necessary and must proceed with speed.
1) Take Time To Mourn
The future you expected is gone. Even if you’re hoping for a better future now that you’re on your own, anniversaries and holidays will pop up and cause great pain. Take the time to mourn the future that’s gone and be prepared for some sadness.
2) Friendships Will Change
Some people will take sides while others seem to always have an opinion, even if you don’t want to hear it. Be prepared for some friendships to disappear. Some old friends may reject you if you thrive and others will comfort you if you struggle. This is natural, but it will hurt.
3) Figure Out Finances
You and your soon to be ex may be bent on destroying one another. If you’re hoping for financial travail, there’s no better way to blow up your bank account than a divorce. Should you instead decide to split the marriage without financially eviscerating each other, be prepared for some tense cohabitation, for a time at least.
4) Get Your Banking Split
Start your own bank account. Be upfront about it, but make sure to put some money away from your earnings or from the shared household account so that, if things fall apart, you can at least make a mortgage payment or cover a month’s rent while you see how things shake out.
It may be tempting to fight for the house. If you expect to get primary custody of the children, they should be at the top of your consideration list when deciding about the house. However, the physical splitting as a couple will be painful no matter what you do. Moving to a new home may give you something cheery to focus on. Moving your ex out of the home you shared could be horrible. If you can’t afford it you will struggle to maintain it and may ultimately lose it anyway. Be realistic.
Not every gift in your life comes wrapped in shiny paper. Many people, with time, come to terms and may even be thankful for their divorce. However, this takes time. Move slowly but carefully into your independence. Worry about your kids and about stabilizing your finances so you can get on with your life.